i'm not sleeping

Sadly, the only bukakke shots I’ve taken recently are the ones where my yogurt splashes on my shirt when I open it.

Filed under things I’d totally put on FB, but I don’t want my mother Googling bukakke.

No, you shut up. 

This was posted 2 weeks ago. It has 12 notes.

because it’s been so long…

That’s what she said. Me, I said that. hahasob

Things we’ve googled at work in the last 2 weeks: large labia, dolphin rape, Chyna’s vagina. These things will only end in screams. No seriously. 

Also, hi you don’t remember me, but I used to post stuff here, now I’m just miserable and complain about my life in person. Hit me. No seriously, run me over with your car, please and thank you. 

“It’s like a dentist chair, but for your crotch.” …may or may not have come out of my mouth today. 

I have nothing good/interesting going on these days life EXCEPT I lost 20 fucking pounds working out like a motherfucker and I won $200 in the biggest loser competition at work! Recognize. I hope you realize this will only end in more weight loss because motivation, I has it. (See also: Nothing else to do. Sadface.)

For those of you playing at home, no I did not stop drinking beer to lose weight. Sorry no, go to hell with your line of questioning. Give me beer or give me death. I’d rather be a fatass than give up my hobby. Oh, beer isn’t your hobby? OK, well aren’t you making all the right decisions in life. 

Yeah, so cool story. 

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 17 notes.