truth and nothing but
—You know that thing where the doctor says you are out of the woods and then the other doctor doing the procedure says you’re not out of the woods, yet? Yeah, that. Quit moving my woods! Dammit!
—On a lighter note, I have band-aids on my boob. Because band-aids are hot, right? I’m like a stripper in Indianapolis. Someone better make it rain up in herre. Wait, where are you going? I’ve got band-aids…
—In my entire design career, I’ve only worked in two office buildings in Chicago, and they are across the street from one another on Michigan Ave. I started in my current building on the 9th floor. Then, I got a new job in the office across the street. Three years later, we moved into my current building (5th floor). And now we are moving back across the street into the exact office I used to work in. Hello Twilight Zone, you can have your episode back.
—I think I’ve maxed out my stress capacity. Now all these weird things happen when I get stressed. Pain under my rib, tension headaches, no sense of balance, no appetite, etc. This means I’m dying, right? Couldn’t you have at least thrown me a bone here and given me weight loss as a symptom? I call bullshit!
—What the hell happened to all the time that we used to have between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Last year, I put up a tree and it only had 7 ornaments on it. Oh don’t look at me like that, it’s not like you came over to see it.
—I think Yoga was created by sadists.
—Celine Dion can trigger a murderous rampage in me at any moment, with Barbara Streisand coming in a close second, please do with that what you will.
—I have nothing interesting to say and that’s why you never hear from me anymore. Suck it.
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
